It’s been some time since my last post, life has just been a bit much lately.
But Now is a Time to Rejoice!
Despite what may be going on in my life at the moment, I know one thing for certain: my savior, Jesus Christ, is risen! (Luke 24:6-7)
What does that mean to me? Well this is where all of my hope is placed. I know it seems a little risky to put all of those eggs into one basket:
What if He fails me? What if I’m wrong? What if I don’t like how He changes me?
I think I’m willing to take that chance.
Here’s Why:
You see the past few months have been really rough on me and my husband. My ongoing health troubles, that I thought was mostly under control, has continued to get worse.
I have been struggling with histamine intolerance/MCAS for a while now, but with diet changes, herbs and supplements, I was getting better.
My breathing had improved, my anxiety was fading away, I had more energy and clarity. But then sickness came, and came again, and again….Soon that turned into my breathing worsening, feeling fatigue and just plain crumby. I had gotten to a point where was up every night coughing. It wasn’t fun.
Eventually that turned into a visit to urgent care. I was given antibiotics, cough meds, and an inhaler; which is something I hadn’t needed for over two years!
As someone who likes to go the natural route, it’s a little devastating. But my health has improved since then. I’m still not where I was before. I’m still reliant on an inhaler, trying every herbal remedy and exercises I can think of to get my lung strength back.
But Let Me Tell You What God has Done in the Midst of This!
Before me and my husband decided it was time to go to urgent care, we would be up every night. I would have a coughing fit, and with some herbal remedies, it would settle down in about 2 hours. We would then go back to bed. Getting less sleep than we should.
During this time my husband would hold me and I started listening to worship music. I knew I needed to keep my eyes focused on Christ and be calm. After doing this for a several nights, some how it deepened my trust in Him.
There’s something amazing about feeling horrible, but also feeling His presence wash over you at the same time. He brings the peace, that only He can bring and I felt my body calm down in His presence.
It almost got me to a point where I looked forward to the coughing fits every night. Almost.
I had started to learn to let Jesus be enough and to crave His presence more. Something I’ve always wanted, but never seemed to be able to attain.
2 Corinthians 12:9 says:
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
I was really started to see this was true, and it was wonderful.
As much as I loved to learn to lean on God, these health troubles came with something I never seemed to struggle too much with: doubt.
Dealing with My Doubt
Growing up I fully believed in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I believed in the power of prayer, and that He will always provide. I believed in miracles. I believed all things happened for a reason, and as hard as life could be, I knew He was with me. I could always look at a situation and see where God was moving in it, for our good and His Glory. (Romans 8:28)
After so long of trusting that God had this in His control, asking for healing and not getting good sleep, I started to struggle a little bit. Not just in my health, but in my faith.
Why won’t He do something, or direct me in what I should do?
In the back of my mind, I knew this would all work out, but it was hard and it was taking too long.
I was really suffering here, does He care?
I don’t currently have a primary doctor and our finances aren’t all that great. Did God know this?
I Was Panicking
I felt like we were already spending so much money on trying to keep a strict low histamine diet and trying different herbs to help. I didn’t want to spend even more on seeing a doctor that may prescribe me something that might make things worse… like it did before, when the histamine intolerance started.
It started to feel hopeless…
But yes, God knew all of that and he knew what He was doing. I’m confident He always does, and always will.
This confidence wasn’t easy to maintain, I had lost it a few times, but even in that I felt His presence. Spring had just started to come, and it reminded me that there is a season for everything, and as I watched things starting to grow, my hope began to grow too.
Had to trust God in ALL circumstances. Even if it wasn’t how I wanted things to be.
We ended up going to urgent care, and since then, I’ve been getting better. I’m not where I was physically, I still have quite the road ahead, but spiritually? I’m much better.
Not much else has changed:
- Our finances are still tight.
- I’m still on a strict diet.
- I still have herbs and supplements to take.
- And I’m stuck back on relying on an inhaler.
But God Hasn’t Changed Either.
He is still the same loving God who has always been with me, always provided for me, and loves me unconditionally.
Nothing else in this world can give me this kind of love, or can bring me this kind of lasting peace and joy. Nothing else can give me contentment like He does. Nothing else can fill my emptiness, like He can.
It can be hard to fully grasp how wonderful this truth really is, until you allow Him to break you. I know He still has a lot of work to do in me, and He will see that to completion (Philippians 1:6). He is still strengthening me, healing me (physically, spiritually, and emotionally), and leading me.
That is Why I am Ready to Rejoice!
This is only part of my testimony, and part of the reason why I’ve chosen to put all of my hope eggs in one basket.
God has done so much more in my life. He has given me salvation, but He also cares for me and the life I live now on this earth. There will be trouble, but through Christ, we have overcome that trouble! (John 16:33, Luke 10:19)
I have no regrets of the past few months. Not only has my relationship with my God deepened, but so has my relationship with my husband. This man God has given me, is truly amazing, and I am so thankful for him.
I have also learned about herbs that can be helpful for me and others in the future and in maintaining my health. I have learned to be still and let God be God. I’ve learned to trust in Him, even when it might seem hopeless.
Friday is here, but Sunday is coming, will you celebrate with me?
Easter goes well with Advent, if you want to read a little more, check out those posts on Hope, Peace, Joy, and Love!
I am hoping now to be able to get back into blogging regularly next month! So don’t forget to follow me on Facebook, Subscribe to my Newsletter, and share your favorite posts with your friends!
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